The Cycle of Abuse

1.    TENSION BUILDS

The tension increases.  There is a breakdown of communication.  The victim feels the need to mollify the abuser.

2.    INCIDENT

Verbal, emotional and/or physical abuse takes place.  Anger, blaming, arguing, threats and intimidation.  Hitting, slapping, shoving, kicking and/or sexual assault.

3.     RECONCILIATION

Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, denies the abuse occurred, or says it was not as bad as the victim claims.  My favorite, "I hit you, because I love you.  I became that angry, because I love you so much."  

4.    CALM

The incident is forgotten.  Often times the victim will forgive the abuser in hopes the abuser will change or this time it is meant when s/he says it will never happen again.

The cycle starts again.

written by lilpetBrat 2001